Happy Octopus Month! Our month-long celebration of octopuses through poetry and art will begin shortly! But first: an important post for all you humans out there. (Cross-posted at Lerner Books blog.)
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A customer on
Amazon recently expressed concerns that the book Can
I Touch Your Hair? Poems of Race, Mistakes, and Friendship is
not appropriate for elementary students because it includes a poem
called “The N-Bomb” that references the existence of the N-word
(though doesn’t spell it out). Coauthors Charles Waters and Irene
Latham and editor Carol Hinz wanted to share their thoughts about the
poem, the word, and tackling difficult topics with children.
Charles, Irene, and Carol
Conversations about the N-word aren’t easy. In a perfect world, we'd never have to talk about it, because the N-word wouldn't exist. All of us want to protect the young people in our lives from the harshness of the world. But this wish won’t make the N-word disappear. And we cannot keep children’s ears from hearing a word that might one day be spoken in hate at them or at someone they love. The word comes up in songs, in movies, and, yes, sometimes in books. So what do we do?
Charles Waters, coauthor
I don't know how
to have a conversation about the race in our country without talking
about the N-word. It’s the atomic bomb of the English language. If
someone outside my race says it, no matter the color, no matter the
circumstance, it jars me. I don’t feel entirely that way when
people who are African American say it, especially if it's used
as sign of affection or to discuss how people might view us behind
closed doors.
I've heard from
those who’ve said no word should have that much power and needs to
be said out loud to diminish its impact, and from others who say it
shouldn’t be uttered at all, no matter what, end of story.
Ultimately, I
don't know if there’s a right and wrong answer but I do know it
would be unfortunate not to have a talk about it, especially between
parents and their children. To have not written the poem “The
N-Bomb” in Can I Touch Your Hair? would have been the
equivalent of erasing my existence as a person of color in this
world. By the way, I understand both the Charles character’s point
of view in the poem and the mother’s point of view equally.
It’s weird when you can see both sides of a debate and not come to
a definitive conclusion. That’s what makes life so
fascinating and complicated.
 |
| illus. by Sean Qualls and Selina Alko |
For anyone
having trouble reading the poem from the image of the page above,
here's the full text of the poem:
THE
N-BOMB
Mom, holding my folded laundry, passes
as I’m nodding, swaying, flowing into rhythms
that make me start sliding my feet from side to side.
The rapper then punches out a word that makes
her do a double take. “Did he just drop the N-bomb?”
she asks. “Yes,” I say. “But it had an A at the end of it,
not an E-R, so it’s okay.” “No, it’s not,” she says, “No matter
how you spell it, it’s still a spit in the face of our ancestors,
who for far too long fought against the infection of that word.”
“Sorry,” I say, pressing the Stop button, not knowing what kind
of music I can listen to anymore that will make me happy.
Mom, holding my folded laundry, passes
as I’m nodding, swaying, flowing into rhythms
that make me start sliding my feet from side to side.
The rapper then punches out a word that makes
her do a double take. “Did he just drop the N-bomb?”
she asks. “Yes,” I say. “But it had an A at the end of it,
not an E-R, so it’s okay.” “No, it’s not,” she says, “No matter
how you spell it, it’s still a spit in the face of our ancestors,
who for far too long fought against the infection of that word.”
“Sorry,” I say, pressing the Stop button, not knowing what kind
of music I can listen to anymore that will make me happy.
Irene Latham, coauthor
I've made the
mistake of withholding information from my own children in an effort
to protect them—and I’ve regretted it. Whether you talk with a
child about something difficult—or not—you’re taking a leap.
Your decision will have consequences. As a mother, a poet, and a
citizen in the twenty-first century, I feel like it is more important
than ever to be open with our kids, even when it’s uncomfortable or
frightening.
Ignoring hate,
not talking about racism, doesn’t make it go away; it only allows
it to fester and grow. The key to eliminating systemic racism is to
bring it into the light so we can all see what we're dealing with and
how to change our attitudes and behavior.
I am reminded of
an interview with Katherine Paterson, author of the Newbery
Award-winning book Bridge to Terabithia, which includes the
death of a child and has been criticized as being inappropriate for
children. In an interview, she said, “I worry about children who
still need a fairy tale. Is there a dividing line between children
who need a fairy tale and children who need a book that reflects
their life? It differs from child to child. And it’s [BRIDGE TO
TERABITHIA] a book I really hope parents will read with their
children. It gives you a safe place to talk about hard topics.”
I'm proud to
have been part of creating a book that's a safe place to talk about
hard topics.
Carol Hinz, editor
Dear reviewer,
thank you for taking the time to share your concerns about this book.
I first read Can
I Touch Your Hair? to my older son, who is white, when he was
seven years old. The book hadn’t even been printed, but I had a PDF
on my computer and he wanted to know what I was working on. I started
to read, expecting him to lose interest. But he didn’t. And then I
got to the poem “The N-Bomb.” My heart dropped. I took a deep
breath and said, “I need to tell you about a word you don’t know.
It’s very bad and you should never use it.” I kept talking, and
he listened carefully. After the fact, I was relieved. At some point,
I knew he was going to encounter the word, whether in music, in a
movie, or spoken by a peer. Did I want that to be his first exposure
to it? Or did I want his first exposure to be in the safety of our
home where we could talk about what the word is and why it is
never okay?
While not every
kid is exposed to a given word at the same age, it’s often not
something we as parents can control. And I feel grateful to have
books such as this one that allow children, parents, and educators to
address race and racism in a manner that fosters conversation and
empathy.
More about the N-word
You’ll need to
scroll down pretty far into the interview. Their exchange about it
begins with the following:
Oprah: Speaking
of conversations, when I met you a few years ago, we discussed our
disagreement over the use of the N word and misogynist lyrics in rap
music. Do you believe that using the N word is necessary?
Jay-Z: Nothing
is necessary. It's just become part of the way we communicate. My
generation hasn't had the same experience with that word that
generations of people before us had. We weren't so close to the pain.
So in our way, we disarmed the word. We took the fire pin out of the
grenade.
The N-word is
addressed in the first 1:23 of the clip. *Warning: The full word is
said multiple times in this video*
More about children and tough topics
Why
We Shouldn’t Shield Children from Darkness by Matt de la
Peña
Why
Children’s Books Should Be a Little Sad by Kate DiCamillo
Books for adults about race
So You Want
to Talk about Race by Ijeoma Oluo
Citizen: An
American Lyric by Claudia Rankine
NutureShock:
New Thinking about Children by Ashley Merryman and Po Bronson
(specifically the chapter “Why White Parents Don’t Talk about
Race”)
I was fortunate to get this book from Irene for my granddaughters and for their classes last year, kindergarten & third grade. Both teachers were appreciative & shared the book with their classes. We've read the poems together, we've talked about words that hurt, and hurt a lot, and they wanted to talk, wanted to tell what they already knew & had seen. It gave me a chance to help them know how they could respond to others calling names, or calling them names. They were 6 & 8 at the time & were not surprised about "bad" words used against others. If it helps them protect themselves & to help others, Can I Touch Your Hair? & other books about topics important to know, it is time for parents to understand that their children do already know & need conversations about these serious topics. Thanks, Charles, Irene & Carol for a needed post.
ReplyDeleteI think Katherine Paterson's words get to the heart of the matter: "It (a book) gives you a safe place to talk about hard topics.” Thanks to you, Charles, and Carol for sharing your thoughts and your beautiful book.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this important post. Today, I introduced Ellen Oh to about 60 students and how she co-founded WNDB. One student in a class said, "you said a racist thing" and, I explained that to say the words "Asian, Black, Hispanic, Latina or Latino, White" isn't racist. We are so high-strung in our world that our young people sense the tension but not always the meaning or intent. I've avoided conversations about race for a long time...feeling that a pale person such as myself cannot lead in this topic. But, I'm done with that. Let's talk. Let's be friends.
ReplyDeleteDeep appreciations Irene & Charles & Sean & Selina & Carol.
ReplyDelete